Well the final four weeks of baby waiting are here- and I am so ready and excited to meet this little person. I really appreciate everyones name suggestions. Although it is hard, I think we may have made some headway...maybe:)

Besides baby excitement, life continues to pass as usual. Grocery shopping, nap time and school work. Jeremy has taken over all of Phoenix's school work after one to many 'confrontations' between the two of us, and although it isn't an ideal plan, it is allowing our family to function on a day to day basis. It makes me sad he spends so much of his day in solitude, but when I get involved (i.e. teach) it doesn't seem safe, especially as I am nearing the end of this pregnancy. We are praying and really seeking Gods direction for education and our children, and that is a post I am not quite ready to write yet. Regardless- school this year has had many more emotional ups and downs then I anticipated. Props, kudos, high fives- whatever- to you momma's who can do this thing called life seamlessly. I am a daily work of art.

Jeremy's birthday is tomorrow. The kids and I just slipped an OREO cheesecake in the oven for tomorrows feast. Besides that deliciousness we will enjoy mashed potatoes and gravy, meatloaf, homemade rolls and corn. Now does that sound like a mans meal or what?! The kids and I have had a great time this week getting presents ready and we are really looking forward to tomorrow night.

On another note, Jeremy's mom, Sue, passed away 6 years ago today after a 15 year battle against MS. While her death so closely coincides with her twin sons birthdays, I always make a point to honor her on this day by making a meal passed down from her. Usually it is Chicken Noodle Soup, this year I am making her Spaghetti Sauce. It is a privlige to remember her for the beautiful wife, mother, mother in law, grandmother, daughter that she was. Although she is not here to see her children, and her children's children grow- I know without a doubt she will forever be apart of our lives. We cherish her memory and the legacy she gave us.

Ok- is it just me or is naming people really, really hard?

Specifically naming girls. There is about a dozen boys names I would happily use to name this baby. Really, it will be hard to pick just one.

But girls! We are lost.
So please, please leave a suggestion for me.
Last time I was pregnant I think I would have named the baby Tallulah if it was a girl. That gives you a vibe for my naming 'style'.

I just don't want to be at the hospital with a nameless baby.
Help a sister out, will ya?

So this is day four of being house bound, and child-less. It is very strange. But it is surprising how fast the days can go when all you are doing is laying on the couch, eating soup, and coughing. So no, I am not bored (at all!), not getting stir crazy, and although I haven't put on shoes or real clothing all week- I surprisingly decided to paint my nails this morning. Who am I?

Truthfully though, I do miss my kids. A lot actually. I am talking to them on the phone, but it just isn't the same. We were a little worried Maisey might be coming down with something Tuesday, but thankfully she woke up Wednesday like herself. The kids will be back tomorrow afternoon, in time to dress up in their lovely costumes so Daddy can take them to the Harvest Carnival at church. I will leave you in suspense as to what everyone is dressing up as.

So I thought while my house was empty and clean for the longest time it has ever been (and probably ever will be) I could take some pictures of my kids new bedroom so you far-away friends could see the new place. But then I took the pictures on my iphone and they are really bad. But I decided I was not going to walk up and down the stairs again for the real camera. Sorry. You don't have to look if you will be annoyed.

Ok- so first we have Moses and Lincolns room. The house was built in 1946 and the attic was finished back in the day. The ceilings are low and slanted, but it is cozy and perfect for the three boys. There are two bedrooms up here and a closet in between them.
This is Lincolns bed. We went with an outdoors/nature room. Last time I asked Moses if he wanted to play any sports, or if there were any he liked he responded with: "Hmmm. Well, is hunting a sport?" 'nuff said, right?

The train table with the scary playmobile pirate set. Don't judge ok?

The awesome built in's in the room. I love that about having an old house. There is no closet in this room, and we are doing the family closet thing downstairs, so this is a great way to store toys and easy to hid boys treasures.
Moses usually makes an 'Indian Scene' on the bookshelf, and then Linciln proceeds to destroy it. Oh, the joys of a 5 and 2 year old sharing a room:) But I do like how Moses added a goose and farm girl to this picturama. And the giant Indian statue with his head cut off. Very appropriate. Actually, I bet that girl is Pocahontas/Sacajawea. That makes more sense right?
Here is Moses' bed. Do you like his choice of wall art? ?One is a lovely picture of a deer I found at my great uncles farm house, and the other is a lovely poster of Chief Deerfoot. You know, Chief Deerfoot. My mom found it at a yard sale, gave it to Moses and it was love at first sight.
Here is Isabela and Maisey's room. I always wanted a shabby chic pink girls room to decorate. I got it! Jer hung the chandelier, added thick molding on the floor and I basically got the entire shabby chic girls line at Target. I am a copy cat, I know. Oh well. It matches perfectly and is so cute:)
The room isn't huge, but it is great with the bunk beds. If this baby is a girl she will eventually share this room with Maisey, and Isabela would get the nursery because it has a 1/2 bath (perfect for a teenage girl), but if it is a boy I am unsure how room assignments will pan out.

This is the door to the girls closet, Isabela has her dresser in there and lots of shoes:). Also, this bedroom is next to Jer and I's and across from the nursery. So there are three bedrooms on the main floor and two upstairs. The basement has lots of room, so a portion could always be converted, if need be, to a bedroom. But I think five bedrooms will always work for us:)
This is Phoenix's bedroom. It is the ultimate boys room, complete with posters hung all over the walls:) We are getting a futon from a friend so Phoenix is still on a mattress on the floor. He doesn't seem to mind though- I mean he has his own room so he cannot complain!
A bad picture, but you can get a good idea of how sloped the ceilings are. Luckily Phoenix is a little guy, so I think this will always work for him.
More built in's! I didn't get a picture of it, but to the left of the bookcase there is a little nook that we have a dresser and a clothes rod with a half wall. He picked out the room color (grey) and there was already red trim everywhere. I think with the bedding he chose, the room looks great!

This is the closet I was talking about between the two boys room. We are using it as a dress up clothes closet. It is awesome! And a great place to store all our weapons that are endlessly being created. Does this happen at your house to?? Seriously. Enough with the cross bows, daggers, and spears. They are all variations of sticks tied with rubber bands, string, or hair ties. Anyways. There is a PLACE for all of them- plus our growing collection of various costumes.
So there you go. I know you were all just dying to see those pictures. Haha. Oh well. It is my blog and I haven't been talking to people lately so therefore I don't have much going on to blog about. Have a lovely day. Oh, and how about a kids room tour for your blog?

Labels: daily life

Well, I came down with a lovely case of the good 'ole swine flu Sunday and am now confined to my home this week, taking tamiflu, getting healthy and keeping this little babe within me snug. The kids are shipped off to a very generous grandma for the week with strict orders not to get what I got. This pregnant lady does not want to start passing this around the family. No thanks.

So now I am home alone. For a handful of days. Weird, huh? I have never been home alone for more then an hour or so in as long as I can possibly think. When the kids have been baby sat before it was for an actual purpose- like an appt, a date, something. Not so I can lay on the couch all.day.long. It is very strange. I guess it is my own personal 'baby moon' but I think those are actually supposed to spent as a romantic weekend away with your spouse drinking sparkling cider reminiscing of life before the baby. Not so much this week. I am just drinking tea, getting delicious food deliveries from wonderful friends and watching marathons on TLC. It could be worse. It could be better- I woke up without any morning snuggles. I am used to some sort of snuggles from SOMEONE- but even Jeremy is out the door before 6 (and I have that pig thing) so I wasn't getting any lovin' anywhere.

Anyways, I talked to each of the kids this morning and was reminded that they are just fine away from me (sniff.sniff.), no melt downs, wailing, or why did mommy leave us. No they are cleaning out my moms chicken coop and eating homemade donuts. I won't even try to top it.

So, since I haven't blogged in awhile I thought I could at least post some pictures of my baby's nursery. I am so happy about it. I love that I got to go shopping for the items in it with my two daughters and we got to coo and ahh over a million baby items at Babies 'r' Us. I love that we found great deals. I love that it looks exactly how I want it.

The white closet next to the chair is a giant wall unit. It is being used as a closet for Moses, Maisey, Lincoln and will be for the baby also. Each child has a hanging bar plus two drawers on the side of the closet. I should have taken a better picture of that wall. Sorry. Anyways, I have never done the one closet thing before, but the boys are upstairs and the girls are on the main floor next to the nursery and I just thought it made WAY more sense to go with the semi-family closet thing. At least until I can trust them with dressing themselves, putting clothes away, and not walking over piles of freshly folded clothes. It is WAY easier!!!
The curtain goes into the half bath that the little kids use. I had to take off the door and hang curtains because it wouldn't open with the changing table there.
And here is a belly shot at 33 weeks. I am now 34 1/2 (I want that 1/2 accounted for!).

I am taking the moments before dad gets home and dinner gets served and our night disappears into dishes washed and floors swept and stories read and good night kisses given- to remember life is good.

And it is.
Yes, I get bogged down lots by the monotony of my days-
But I need to rejoice in the life I have the privilege to live.

Because, truly, it is good. I need to remember 1 child out of 5 grounded ain't such bad stats, that 1 pile of dirty dishes produced 2 dozen chocolate chip muffins, and although there is about 50 loads of laundry to get washed- 1 load is currently being folded (without complaints) by 1 eleven year old boy.

It could be worse.
And I have only 7 weeks to go till this sweet, never stops kicking, serious heart burn inducing, newest love of my life is born.

Happy Weekend to you friend..

Labels: daily life, family

I opened my email this morning to find this verse of encouragement. I think I am going to paint it on my wall- it so spoke to me!

“You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions: stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you. O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afried: do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.” 2 Chronicles 20:17."

It was just what I needed to read.

Labels: christian life

Who needs the joy and hope?
Well I suppose everyone who calls Christ their Redeemer. Because isn't that the over arching goal- to be more like Him, less like us?

That is the hard part for me. Remembering that I do actually want to be more like Christ. Crazy talk right? Having to remind myself that I this is the life I want is not the kind of sentence you want out of an AWANA leader or missionary or friend or mom. No- as Christians we are so often expected to love it all- our kids, our husbands, our situation and circumstances. Put on the smile and keep chugging forward.

At the cost of what though? By not being real, by not letting a giant dose of reality saturate our relationships we are doing the gospel a giant disservice.

Life is hard enough on its own, and then we add the additional burden of trying to hold it together to fellow earth dwellers- Christian and Non Christian alike.

When we live a life full of false pretenses and work at all costs to avoid authenticity- we are not only fooling our selves, but we are denying Christ the glory. When we allow our brokenness to be seen, we can give it to God to redeem- who in turn can be glorified in our troubles, trials, fear, anxiety, stress.

You see- I know I have worked pretty hard, spent a lot of hours of undue pain trying to hold it together. And for what? It boils down to pride doesn't it? Not wanting to appear weak or incapable- needy- we live a life that gives us no relief from heartache.

How does this all relate to adoption? Well, here it is, for me- I want desperately to be a trusted parent to my oldest son right now. I want him to let go of the anger and resentment and fear and suffering he feels. I want to know him. I long for a relationship deeper then hellos and how are you's and pat's on the back. I want him to know Mom and Dad are safe people, in a safe place.

I can't force the relationship. Jeremy and I can encourage him with words and actions, we can balance accountability for actions with grace and mercy. But maybe more then all that, maybe more then the example (that I probably fail at most days, when my voice becomes louder than love and my energy has been exhausted by a thousand minor squabbles) I need to focus on being the person God needs me to be.

Yes, I just said I need to give myself more attention. Is that counter-culture or what:) But it has got to be that way. If I am trying to keep it together for my kids, my husband, myself- and not own the trials I face- the sufferings I partake in- I cannot truly reflect the personage of Christ.

It all made sense to me during a recent conversation on 'trials and sufferings for Christ'. A good discussion, but I walked away feeling out of the loop. What are my trials really? My suffering, really? I am not starving, I have a home, we make a good income- But I was missing the point.These daily burdens we carry- that we need others to help us with- that it is okay to admit it and own the trial that it is. Only then are we opening ourselves to others who can use their gifts, their experiences, the redemming work already completed in their lives to give glory where it is due.

So yes- after 2 days of homeschooling I was googling local private schools. I was attempting to find a place for my children so I wouldn't have to be around them. I even discovered there was a daycare down my road that could perhaps watch five children 24/7 . I really am only half joking when I say this.

Externally things are really good for us as a family right now. We just bought a house, we got a raise, I have a healthy baby growing within me- but my heart is hurting. I am trying to reconcile myself with the life God has called me to. So walk with me, will you?

Then maybe I can give an answer to that person who asked me about adoption without quickly guarding myself for fear of crying or laughing to loud or having eyes glaze over. So the answer can be laced with the beauty I know that is there, that is just currently being buried by the heartache of whole life change.

Labels: adoption